Taoism: Shit happens
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Atheism: No shit
TV Evangelism: Send more shit
Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit
Zen Buddhism: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before
Muslims: We accept only holy shit
Gnosticism: If shit happens, this shit belongs to this aeon.